Sleep
by MissMouseMD
Summary: She can't sleep. She feels so empty. MeredithDerek.
1. Insomnia

**Title: **Sleep

**Author: **MissMouseMD

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**A/N: **Sorry for the confusion!

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**Insomnia**

She's scared. And broken. But mostly just scared.

She can't sleep. Every time she tries, she wakes up screaming. In her dreams, she's alone. She feels so empty.

The worst part is, the loneliness isn't just a dream.

Izzie asks about the screaming. She says it was a bug.

She gives up even trying to sleep. Instead, she lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. Trying to forget her pain. She's not successful.

She shouldn't be practicing medicine. She hasn't slept in over 72 hours. But she's so used to ignoring her problems, ignoring her pain that she doesn't realize the trouble she's in.

She feels like she's in a dream world, somewhere in between awake and sleeping. She walks into the elevator.

He rushes in at the last minute, squeezing past the closing doors.

She ignores him.

He looks at her, concerned.

"Meredith? Are you okay?"

She doesn't say anything, just waits for her destination. When the doors open, she practically sprints out.

She doesn't want to talk to him. He broke her heart. He's still married.

It's been days, and she still hasn't slept.

Walking in a straight line is difficult, and her head is pounding.

At the hospital, everyone's staring.

She tries her best to ignore them.

She's in the locker room, leaning against the wall. Eyes closed.

"Grey? GREY!"

It's Bailey. Normally, she would be terrified, but she's too tired to care.

Bailey's yelling now.

Everyone's staring.

She opens her eyes.

Tries to walk towards the intimidating woman.

She takes two steps, and her legs start to give. She grabs the wall for support.

They're all still staring.

"All right, that's it. Stevens, take her home. Make sure she gets some rest. Grey, don't even try to come back here until you've slept at least 12 hours, you hear me?"

Izzie helps her to the car, and practically carries her to her bed.

When Cristina comes in four hours later to check on her, her eyes are still wide open, staring at the ceiling.

She can hear Cristina talking, but the words don't make sense.

Now Izzie's there too, talking to Cristina.

Their voices are worried.

They leave, and she's left in peace for a while.

The door opens, and it's Him.

She rolls over so her back is to him.

He's talking to her now, his voice soothing. She can't tell what he's saying. She doesn't care.

He puts his hand on her shoulder.

She pulls away. He should know better. He's married.

The tears start to come. She can't stop them.

This time, she lets him touch her.

Hold her.

Suddenly, the loneliness is ebbing away, leaving her feeling peaceful.

And sleep comes.


	2. Tired

**Title:** Sleep

**Author: **MissMouseMD

**Disclaimer:** What do you know, I still don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**A/N: **Here's chapter 2, please review!

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**Tired**

When she wakes up, he's still there. Asleep.

For a moment, she feels so happy. And then she remembers.

He's married.

She wriggles out from his arms, and makes a dash for the bathroom.

She's still crying half an hour later, when he finally awakens.

He knocks loudly on the door.

"Meredith?"

No response.

"Mere?"

He's getting worried.

The sobbing has stopped.

He continues to bang on the door, but there's still no reply.

She's sitting in the empty bathtub, clothes still on. Shivering.

The loneliness is coming back, slowly creeping throughout her body until she feels like she's been submerged in ice.

She wraps her arms closer to her body, to quell the shaking.

Why did he have to be married?

The door opens. She wonders how he did it.

And then she realizes. Izzie has a key.

He's coming closer.

She stares straight ahead. Like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Mere?"

For a moment, there's silence.

"You're married."

"I know."

"She loves you."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

And that's all it takes. The tears are coming, harder than before.

He tries to comfort her.

She swats his hand away.

He's sitting there in the bathtub with her. Staring at her. Eyes full of pain.

She wonders why he's even there.

She waits for him to leave. Or say something. Anything.

But there's only silence.

She's lost track of time.

The sound of his voice startles her.

"I'm sorry."

And then he's leaving, just as simple as that.

She's still sobbing. Harder than ever.

Izzie comes in. She's worried.

She drags Meredith out of the bathroom.

Back into the bedroom.

"Sleep."

But sleep is avoiding her once again.

She's so tired.

She wants it all to go away.

She gets out of bed and stumbles down the stairs.

The kitchen is quiet. Empty.

She knows exactly what she's looking for.

She twists the bottle open, and shakes the pills onto her hand.

She swallows them all dry.

The room starts to spin.

Blackness.


	3. Heal

**Title:** Sleep

**Author:** MissMouseMD

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**A/N:** Last chapter! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, and thanks for putting up with my computer retardedness! I really appreciate it! Please, PLEASE review!

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**Heal**

Someone's crying.

Not loud, just quiet, gentle sobbing.

She tries to open her eyes, but she's so tired. And her eyelids feel so heavy.

She wonders where she is.

And then she remembers. The pain. The loneliness. The crying. And then, the darkness.

A single tear falls down her cheek.

He sees it.

"Meredith? Are you awake? Meredith?"

It's exhausting, but she does it. She opens her eyes.

He grabs her hand, and he looks so relieved. So happy.

She wants to jerk her hand away, but she's so tired. And not just physically. She's tired of the games they play.

"Why?"

His voice startles her.

She avoids the question, looking at her hands.

Tears are burning in her eyes.

"Why did you do it, Mere?"

This time, he's louder.

She takes a breath.

"Because. Because I was tired. Lonely. I just wanted everything to go away. But it wouldn't. I couldn't make it stop. And I was so tired."

Her words come out in a harsh whisper.

He looks at her, eyes full of emotion.

"I was so scared. I came back to see you. I knocked. No one answered. Your car was there. I got a little worried then, but I told myself you were just sleeping. The front door was unlocked. I walked in. I went to the kitchen, to see if Izzie was there. And then I saw you."

His voice cracks. He has to stop.

She stares at her hands, ashamed.

"I thought you were dead. You were so pale. So still. And all I could think about was how much I'd hurt you."

She's crying again.

She feels like all she ever does is cry.

He takes her hand again. She smiles through her tears.

And then she remembers.

"You're married."

Her heart feels like shattered glass.

Every time she tries to mend the pieces, it just falls apart again.

He's shaking his head.

"No."

She looks at him, confused.

"Not anymore. I signed the papers."

Her jaw drops.

"Why?"

He smiles sadly.

"My heart wasn't in it. I didn't want to lead her on anymore. I care for her. But that isn't enough. We both knew it. Neither of us were brave enough to say anything."

She doesn't know what to think.

She won't be lonely anymore.

He'll be there.

He won't hurt her again.

Will he?

She doesn't have time to fully grasp the situation.

A nurse walks in.

She smiles.

"Dr. Grey."

Meredith doesn't say anything.

She's so ashamed.

The nurse is taking her temperature, checking her vitals.

"That was a close call, Dr. Grey. Now you need to sleep. You're not better, you should know that. You are a doctor, after all."

She smiles a bit, and nods.

He squeezes her hand.

She's afraid to fall asleep.

She's afraid of the loneliness. The cold, empty feeling.

He senses her fear. And smiles.

"You'll be okay. I'm right here."

And she believes him.

She begins to drift off, feeling content.

She'll be okay.

He'll be there.

Fin.

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Thanks again for reading, please tell me what you think.

And if anyone wants to email me story ideas or requests, please do so. My address is in my profile, thanks a bunch!


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